THE CHAOS THEORY OF THE MIND || pre-depression, depression and post depression.

I believe depression from my point of view is when the poet doesn’t understand his own poem or when the teacher has to be his own student in a big classroom.

After my first denied tempt to enter the medical field, all the thoughts that ran through my mind were “You are a useless being”, and the best way to end it was death.

As an indoor person, I updated my suicide note each day throughout my period of depression. I didn’t want to die without giving props to some good people who will miss me so I had a big challenge recalling all these folks.

I believe most creative people go through depression because of how their minds are engineered to see and react to things.

I vividly remember when I was in primary school, someone talked my mother into taking me to Accra Psychiatric Hospital for check-ups because my behavior didn’t fall within my age group. That was a terrible experience seeing people in chains every Monday morning, as I queued with my mother at the hospital. I remember my first day at the hospital, the doctor checked my fingers to know if I was smoking ‘weed’. That was really funny to me, knowing exactly what took me to that hospital: my curious and wild attitude. All the drugs I was given didn’t change anything about my persona. My mother then resorted to taking me from one church to another. At that age, I had accepted the hard truth of what would befall me later in life. I would encounter so many problems with people because they wouldn’t understand my mental state and the reason for being the odd one out all the time.

The factors that used to send me into depression were basically my inability to control the mind to accept that everything that happens to me whether positive or negative was for a purpose, and not to question the reason why they did happen. During those days, the alleviating factors were writing poetry, listening to music and reading.

I overcame depression by subjecting myself to a task of reminding myself every day that, each day at a time with life, I can’t rush the process. There is beauty in the struggle!

I wish people see depression for what it is. We all go through that phase. No one is exempted but we all have a choice to make during the process.
I will tell people going through depression to know that if my suicide had been successful, I wouldn’t be here today, touching lives in so many ways, like sharing this part of my life to inspire you.

_________________________________________________________________________

Thank you so much, Kojo. You are a brave soul and I bless God that you survived.

Kojo attempted suicide in 2010 and was saved by divine grace. Click here to read his narrative of his suicide attempt…

Kojo Antwi is a poet, writer, filmmaker, and co-founder of Ghana Writers Awards.

You can connect with him via:

Facebook: Nana Antwi Bosiako
Twitter: @kojopoet101
LinkedIn: Kingsley Antwi.

Till next time,
Afiya.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. iAmDan says:

    Indeed “there is beauty in the struggle!”
    Thank you once again, Afiya! Keep doing you

    Like

    1. Afiya says:

      Thank you, Dan. You inspire me

      Like

  2. Stephen says:

    Keep it up dear
    It really good for such topic

    Like

    1. Afiya says:

      Thank you, Steven. Thanks for reading and don’t forget to help create awareness.

      Like

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